As Independence Day approaches...what do you need to purge so that you can live a life of true happiness and fulfillment? I realized for me it is old feelings of a love lost that bind me to the past and not allow me to live for today... thus my open letter to a beautiful love that has run it's course...
Hello my love-
I must admit that I haven't been the same since December 2005 when I last saw you..touched you...gazed into your eyes. I knew at that moment things would never be the same. Since that time, I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy & questioned everything about myself; was I intelligent enough, caring enough, loving enough, small enough, kind enough, submissive enough, supportive enough? Since we parted I have not been open to love...mentally or emotionally. I have had some wonderful, intelligent, God-fearing, kind men try to break down my walls but they couldn't...and this saddens me.
While I have had some of my greatest accomplishments professionally since we parted, I have discovered a hole so deep in my heart that it literally aches at times. I try to cover it up or fill it with work & my friendships but those things don't heal it - they only conceal the hurt. This is why I am writing you this letter- I want to be healed, I want to love, I want to purge the feelings of inadequacy and stop being haunted by them. I have experienced such a spiritual maturation over the past 5 years and 3 in particular that is so strong & so deep; it has allowed me to move forward and purge you from my system- this letter is the final phase of that process. Please don't misunderstand me, I am not purging "you" nor what we had because it is part of what makes me who I am today but more-so leaving the past where it belongs so I can move forward.
I often say I loved the right person and in the right manner but at the wrong time. And timing is everything! Thank you for all of the wonderful memories & experiences we shared- I am eternally grateful for them.
While I have a full and wonderful life with great friends across the country...I do not want to grow old alone, no children, no husband and no-one to care for me. I had to say these things to free myself mentally and emotionally so I can love again, feel whole again and move forward. I wish you the best of luck and great success in all you do and truly hope we can maintain a friendship. I will always cherish our time together...I am now ready to free myself of the emotional baggage that ties me to a past that has no future and open myself to the endless possibilities life has to offer..this is... my Independence Day!
Fondly,
Me....
Friday, July 2, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Ode to a Mother's Love
I was overtaken by feelings of joy and sadness today as I listened to Bishop TD Jakes pray for mothers all over the congregation and pay tribute to his wife and the mother of his children, Lady Serita Jakes. I felt joy at the memories I have of my mom & a bit of sadness because she is not here, I don't have any children & was feeling somewhat alone in this world. I began to really think about the love of a mother, how unconditional & unselfish it is and I recalled one of those moments I shared with my mom. I can picture it as if it were yesterday-instead of over seven years ago.
I had my first round of chemo for breast cancer treatment 12 days before and had to admit my mom to the hospital just 5 days after that for congestive heart failure. Both of us not feeling our best but pushing on just the same refusing to allow our "conditions" to get the best of us. It was a sunny early Saturday evening & I had spent the better part of the morning shopping for wigs - I lost all of my hair literally the night before. I must have looked at 50 wigs that day before finally deciding on the 2 I would purchase. Armed with my new look I went to the hospital to spend the evening with my mom. When I walked in she looked at me and said, "Can (this was the name she called me) I like your hair, you cut it?!" I barely raised my head to look at her and said mom- this is a wig, all my hair came out today from the chemo, I am totally bald! She asked me to sit on the bed with her & take my wig off. At the time this occurred my mom was 96 years old- it was my great grandmother who raised me since I was 3 months old but she is "mom" to me. With her hands cupped from arthritis, red painted fingernails- that was her favorite color- she rubbed my head so lovingly and ever so gingerly and said, "It's okay it will grow back and you are beautiful with or without hair; and you will get better just like momma did." She too was a breast cancer survivor- over 50 years!
As tears rolled down my face- the way they are now- I hugged her and fell in her arms thinking to myself- I am a survivor look at my role model! From that day on, I refused to let cancer define me; instead with the support of my mom, my wonderful God-given family and friends I took the bull by the horns and lived each day to the fullest. Unfortunately, my mom passed away 3 days before my last radiation treatment and one week after her 97th birthday.
She had no idea the love, support & encouragement she provided me that day in her hospital room. She was being a mom- doing what moms do- loving her child!
I, like many others who don't have their mothers with them anymore must hold on to thoughts like this to play back in the reels of our memories. Always keeping them close and using those thoughts as encouragement to keep moving forward and progressing they way our moms would want us to!
To moms everywhere, I say say thank you and Happy Mother's Day!
As this writing resonates in your mind, what fond or poignant memory do you have of your mom?
I had my first round of chemo for breast cancer treatment 12 days before and had to admit my mom to the hospital just 5 days after that for congestive heart failure. Both of us not feeling our best but pushing on just the same refusing to allow our "conditions" to get the best of us. It was a sunny early Saturday evening & I had spent the better part of the morning shopping for wigs - I lost all of my hair literally the night before. I must have looked at 50 wigs that day before finally deciding on the 2 I would purchase. Armed with my new look I went to the hospital to spend the evening with my mom. When I walked in she looked at me and said, "Can (this was the name she called me) I like your hair, you cut it?!" I barely raised my head to look at her and said mom- this is a wig, all my hair came out today from the chemo, I am totally bald! She asked me to sit on the bed with her & take my wig off. At the time this occurred my mom was 96 years old- it was my great grandmother who raised me since I was 3 months old but she is "mom" to me. With her hands cupped from arthritis, red painted fingernails- that was her favorite color- she rubbed my head so lovingly and ever so gingerly and said, "It's okay it will grow back and you are beautiful with or without hair; and you will get better just like momma did." She too was a breast cancer survivor- over 50 years!
As tears rolled down my face- the way they are now- I hugged her and fell in her arms thinking to myself- I am a survivor look at my role model! From that day on, I refused to let cancer define me; instead with the support of my mom, my wonderful God-given family and friends I took the bull by the horns and lived each day to the fullest. Unfortunately, my mom passed away 3 days before my last radiation treatment and one week after her 97th birthday.
She had no idea the love, support & encouragement she provided me that day in her hospital room. She was being a mom- doing what moms do- loving her child!
I, like many others who don't have their mothers with them anymore must hold on to thoughts like this to play back in the reels of our memories. Always keeping them close and using those thoughts as encouragement to keep moving forward and progressing they way our moms would want us to!
To moms everywhere, I say say thank you and Happy Mother's Day!
As this writing resonates in your mind, what fond or poignant memory do you have of your mom?
Saturday, May 8, 2010
The Beginning
This movement has been my brain child for 10 years and what better time than Mother's Day weekend to birth my baby! I am an intelligent single professional woman who has chosen to live life without having a husband, significant other or a child. Don't get me wrong, of course I desire to have a husband and family but until God sends them my way- I have and intend to keep living a great life! I travel all over the country and have great friends, family & extended family but I have often been asked questions like; when are you getting married, why don't you have any children, don't you want children, why are you doing that alone, don't you want to experience that with your spouse instead of alone?
Is it written somewhere that SINGLE people aren't suppose to live life until they have someone to share it with? Are we not suppose to live a happy fulfilled life alone?
I happen to think in some ways this is what is wrong with the world and why the divorce rate is so high. People don't spend time getting to know themselves, learning who they are, what they like and what they don't like before getting involved with someone, getting married and having children. They say they want to grow "together" but what if the basis- the very fundementals of who you are & what you want aren't compatible with the person you have now committed yourself to?
So, through this blog, my website, services and resources I intend to assist single people everywhere feel comfortable and passionate about Single Living. I hope that I can inspire you to get to know yourself a little better, explore what you really want, develop & reach some of your goals, to feel comfortable about going to the movies alone, having a 5 star dinner alone and even attending the ballet or a play alone.
Now, I am not saying you have to be "alone" to be part of the Single Living Revloution but you definitely shouldn't be married...(smile)...you can be age 18-97...you can be a student or professional...man or woman...with or without children- as long as you are open to living a full, wonderful, amazing life...join us as we Embrace It- Live It- Love It!!!!
Each week I will post a topic- pose a question to you- or simply provide you with a great "Single Tip"....I hope you join the Single Living Revolution and enjoy the ride!!!!
Question of the week....Are you living life or is life living you?
Is it written somewhere that SINGLE people aren't suppose to live life until they have someone to share it with? Are we not suppose to live a happy fulfilled life alone?
I happen to think in some ways this is what is wrong with the world and why the divorce rate is so high. People don't spend time getting to know themselves, learning who they are, what they like and what they don't like before getting involved with someone, getting married and having children. They say they want to grow "together" but what if the basis- the very fundementals of who you are & what you want aren't compatible with the person you have now committed yourself to?
So, through this blog, my website, services and resources I intend to assist single people everywhere feel comfortable and passionate about Single Living. I hope that I can inspire you to get to know yourself a little better, explore what you really want, develop & reach some of your goals, to feel comfortable about going to the movies alone, having a 5 star dinner alone and even attending the ballet or a play alone.
Now, I am not saying you have to be "alone" to be part of the Single Living Revloution but you definitely shouldn't be married...(smile)...you can be age 18-97...you can be a student or professional...man or woman...with or without children- as long as you are open to living a full, wonderful, amazing life...join us as we Embrace It- Live It- Love It!!!!
Each week I will post a topic- pose a question to you- or simply provide you with a great "Single Tip"....I hope you join the Single Living Revolution and enjoy the ride!!!!
Question of the week....Are you living life or is life living you?
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